In this week’s episode of The Law Practice Doctor, Sam Gaylord interviews Joan Sotkin, who is an author, coach, and business woman and has helped thousands of people understand why they do what they do with their money, and alter their financial behavior. Joan is the founder of the popular website Prosperity Place and author of Build Your Money Muscles. Her passion is helping people improve their relationship with money and themselves.
Main Questions Asked:
- Describe going to Debtors Anonymous and your feelings of being applauded.
- What are the common diagnoses of problems amongst entrepreneurs?
- If I want to learn basic financial skills, where do I start?
- What can a person do to change their emotional relationship with their money and themselves?
Key Lessons Learned:
Family Origin & Financial Issues
- Our family origin issues affect the habitual emotions we develop and the decisions we make.
- It is common for people to express their shame through money.
- The reason people have financial problems is that they feel alone and disconnected.
- The base of most of our dysfunctional behavior is the human need for connection.
- The history of how we were touched as a small child will effect our business and financial life.
- Someone who was touch deprived is often an under-earner.
- One of the ways humans touch each other is with money (appreciation).
- When you are touch deprived, you keep touch away because you don’t know how to deal with it.
- If longing for touch is your habit, then that translates into longing for money.
Money As A Symbol of Relationships
- Pay attention to the beginning part of your life to see the emotional habits that developed early.
- Certain feelings you develop through your early life will act out through your business and finances.
- When you are saying, ‘I need more money,’ you are actually saying, ‘I need more people.’
- How you deal with money is how you deal with your relationship with yourself and others.
- Whenever you hear yourself longing for money, ask yourself what you are really saying.
- When you get to the emotional foundation of how you are approaching life, it is going to make a huge difference and make it easier to want to take care of your money because then you’re taking care of yourself.
Problems Amongst Entrepreneurs
- Financial fear happens regardless of how much money is in the bank or how much is coming in.
- Fear stems from worrying about running out of resources, which is a basic human fear.
- Financial fear means you are always in the future and afraid of ‘what will happen when…’
- Focusing on the present is about learning how to recognize what you are feeling.
- “I haven’t reached my income potential” is one of the most common problems Joan sees.
Basic Financial Skills
- Write down income and expenses (you don’t have to be good with numbers, just data entry).
- QuickBooks is a bit too complicated in the beginning, so start with Quicken.
- Money is one of the biggest tools for personal growth and development as it reveals our values and feelings. Look at the feelings and the money.
- Ask yourself, “What is my money telling me?”
- Money is just a bunch of numbers and doesn’t have anything to do with who you are.
Change You Emotional Relationship With Money
- If every time you look at your bank balance you feel shame, then that is your response to that stimuli.
- Your goal is to be able to look at your money from a more detached point of view and realize it is just a number.
- We have beliefs that lead to thoughts that lead to emotions. It is our emotions that inform our decisions and our behavior.
- Out emotions are the bridge from our internal to external selves.
Recognize, Release, and Replace
- Recognize: The first step in the process of change is awareness and to recognize the kinesthetic experience of their emotions.
- Release: Can be as simple as expressing the feeling.
- Replace: What does satisfaction feel like? Teach yourself the feeling you want to experience, and shift yourself into a different state and replace the negative with the positive.
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Links to Resources Mentioned
Healing Your Financial Shame (free)
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